In January 2020, my story “Moving From Thin to Strong” ran in The Voice of Louisville. I described how “I wanted to expand my relationship with being active, including my understanding of my body and what it could achieve, beyond running and going to the gym.” Was that just a year ago? Feels like a decade.
In January 2021, I had a different story that appeared in the January issue, one that detailed getting married during a pandemic. As I consider both stories and their parallels, and all that has transpired over the past year, I think of the quote from diver William Trubridge that really resonates with me. “We have not found the human limits, we never will. It is just a matter of stretching out the grey area of possibility and finding an approximation… our job as athletes is to stretch into that zone and redefine human limits as much as we can.”
I don’t know about you, but given everything that happened in 2020, and the start of a new year, I’ve been thinking a lot about time. How we relate to it, and what we use it for. How the expectations of our length (and quality) of life impacts what we do today, and tomorrow. I’ve asked again, “if I want to live to be 120 or older, still out jogging or cycling at 100, with a good quality of life - what does that mean for how I live in 2021?”
So, the phrase I’m stepping into 2021 with is “savory fortitude.”
Savor: taste and enjoy it completely.
Fortitude: mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously.
With limited in-person interactions, and the ongoing search for harmony in a world of processed sugar and virtual remediation, that phrase “savory fortitude” represents a multi-faceted lens through which I’m seeking to live, including as the leader of an organization whose future depends on continuous adaption and ongoing production of projects, DEI workshops and fundraising.
A week or two ago, I sat with a friend talking over bowls of pho as the steam rose from our table on the patio (it was in the 40s and thankfully, sunny). We talked about how discombobulating the fall and winter had been. The longest day that never ended? The lack of a desire for many to get dressed and go outside, to respond to text messages, the tension simmering under the surface of relationships as the never-ending disruption took its toll and our mental fortitude waned. This wasn’t a singular experience, it was present with everyone I talked to in one form or another.
While that lunch only lasted for just over an hour. I savored every moment, every sip of soup, the laughter and the ability to step beyond the digital realm into the real world. It was glorious.
For me, this year is about quality over quantity. It’s about exploring the details, the underlying root causes, the frameworks and assumptions, about the translation and interpretation of experiences across different realms of virtual and IRL interaction.
The work ahead requires me to continuously question the mental models that have developed throughout my life. With much of our work focused on racial healing and reconciliation, and equity and inclusion, there is an unlearning and “updating” of the operating system that is Josh Miller. These elements, paired with my commitment to continue uncovering and pushing the limits of what it means to “show up 100” as a queer professional all require what I’m thinking of as savory fortitude.
On an inclusion-focused panel for a Fortune 500 company near the end of the year, we started the presentation by putting up my headshot with no name, pronouns, or description. Attendees didn’t know I was on the panel. I had the moderator ask, “If you saw this person in a coffee shop, what pronoun would you use in the following sentence, ‘I wonder what type of coffee [he/she/they] is/are getting?’ All respondents but one said ‘she/her,’ and one person said, ‘I wouldn’t assume, I would ask.’”
This response rate did not surprise me [although I use he/him pronouns] but did provide a great entry point into a discussion about why the proactive use of pronouns, and challenging outdated mental models about gender identity and expression was so important. I love people watching, and my mental exercise has been to reframe the internal dialogue I have to use the singular “they” when asking myself questions about people because the world and how we show up is evolving, and if we want to create spaces of inclusion and belonging, ones where we get the best of people, and they get the best of us, we have to practice new ways of thinking and engaging.
Challenging tradition and assumptions of how we show up and present in the world carried through to our wedding with the outfit I wore, created with designer Gunnar Deatherage. In total, there are 8+ interchangeable pieces that can be worn in hundreds of ways mixed with other wardrobe staples - I wanted something dynamic and worth the investment [a few photos below].
The fact that we got married in November 2020 was a surprise to many, because we asked that the limited number of friends and family who were able to attend in-person refrain from posting photos/video to social media. I have to admit, I had to hard time making that request. The concept of documenting our lives has become interwoven with our social media usage, and the foundational premise of why we document them, most often, is to share it online. I haven’t made a scrapbook in over a decade, and rarely print photos. Yet, I appreciated that phones weren’t front and center throughout the ceremony and brief cupcake toast afterward documenting each moment. The time was fleeting, but everyone was present. It was a moment worth savoring.
Have you thought about that? What motivates us to document our lives today? It was surreal to download 14 years of FB social interactions, posts and photos, life events and videos, into a 2.6 GB folder, with everything neatly organized into their sub-folders. That was it – stored on an external hard drive. It begs the question – when social media has compartmentalized different parts of our lives across decades and domains, and we migrate from one to the other… how do we keep a historical record that represents our lives? How does it impact how we associate with each other, with time, with community, with the memories themselves?
Opening IG on January 1, I was greeted by my horoscope for the year, which included the statement: “You’re going to be taken out of your comfort zone when it comes to your shared resources, intimate relationships, friendships, shared intimacy and shared money, sexuality, expression of your inner light, your freedom, your habits, your social life, your dreams and wishes.” So, basically, everything as you know it – your human limits - will be tested. Thanks for that. If there was ever a need for savory fortitude, this was it. And if you know me, you know I like a good challenge!
As we head further into the new year, I hope that you’re taking stock of what foundational elements of your life you can focus in on, what you can use as inspiration and to test your human limits, for accountability and support, and to identify the toxic realms you can walk away from or replace. Savory fortitude can take many shapes across the physical, emotional, mental, and experiential parts of our lives. What does it look like for you?
With gratitude –
Josh
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About: Josh Miller is a queer changemaker, public speaker, photographer, and outdoor explorer. He is the owner of Josh Miller Ventures and the co-founder + CEO of IDEAS xLab—an organization that uses the art of storytelling and community collaboration to impact public health. Miller’s work has been featured by The New York Times, the Aspen Institute, and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. He is a Soros Equality Fellow, received the 2022 Nonprofit Visionary Leader Award from Louisville Business First, and was selected for Business Equality Magazine’s Forty LGBTQ+ Leaders under 40 and Louisville Business First's Forty under 40. Miller is a two-time TEDx speaker and has been described as a "force in our community.” He holds an MBA from Indiana University and an undergraduate degree from Bellarmine University. Previously, he served as an advisor to the Derby Diversity & Business Summit and co-chair for the Louisville Health advisory board’s communications committee.