Over the weekend, I downloaded the audiobook of Glennon Doyle’s Untamed, hopped on my bike, and headed out for an 80-mile ride.
Within two miles, I was crying. Glennon describes her now wife Abby asking her parents for their permission to propose. Glennon’s mom said something along the lines of, “I haven’t seen Glennon this happy since she was ten years old.” Wow.
Glennon goes on to say that, “I’ve done my research and learned this; Ten is when we learn how to be good girls and real boys. Ten is when children begin to hide who they are in order to become what the world expects them to be. Right around ten is when we begin to internalize our formal taming. Ten is when the world sat me down, told me to be quiet, and pointed toward my cages.”
I immediately started to reflect on the things I loved at a young age, and how they were slowly “tamed” out for what a “real boy” was supposed to be. There is a sadness is knowing that this happened, it happened without us being cognizant of it. It happened through underhanded comments and praise of one action over another. It happened through the shows we saw, and the stories we were told. Of what was brave, what was right, and what was not for us.
Heading into Indiana, past the casino and some cornfields, I went further than I’d been before. And then, looking ahead, two dogs came out on the road, and they were barking. “Oh fuck,” I thought. I wasn’t going extremely fast, and before I knew it they were on both sides of my bike, growling and chasing me. Fight or flight kicked in, so I started peddling as quickly as possible, I was mentally and physically unprepared for this. My leg started to cramp. My body was tired.
I made it safely away from the dogs and tried to catch my breath. Snow or rain, I’m good. Dogs, ferocious looking dogs, not so much. And now, I knew I’d have to race them again on my way home. They would be waiting for me. I kept peddling, I ate a gel to refuel with carbs, I drank some water. I stretched my leg while mentally preparing to head back.
As I rode, Glennon read, “You are here to decide if your life, relationships and world are true and beautiful enough for you. And if they are not and you dare to admit they are not, you must decide if you have the guts, the right - perhaps even the duty - to burn to the ground that which is not true and beautiful enough and get started building what is.” Boom.
Turning around, I made a plan. Ride fast, keep space on my left to dodge if they try to bite me, don’t say anything - just keep going, fast. And, there they were again, blocking the road. This time, I road right for them, and kept going as they jumped and started to race, eventually deciding to call it a day. Whew.
Yesterday, walking outside for a run, something (my body + subconscious?) said, “Trust us, we know how to run. Let us fly.” Since I hurt my foot in the early weeks of COVID-19, I’ve been holding back, and that has actually caused more problems than it has solved. So I ran. The cool breeze was glorious, and my body glided – my first mile was at a 7:24 pace. And to my surprise, it felt good, it felt strong.
I still listened for twinges of pain, but it was in letting go that my body adapted to the shoes I’ve been breaking in. It was in trusting that my body was built for this that I was able to find that sometimes elusive flow state. Mornings like this fill me with gratitude, and also serve as a valuable lesson.
Walking back into my apartment to get my story for the October issue of The Voice of Louisville submitted before meetings and a coaching session, Glennon’s words reverberated through my mind. “Because once we feel, know, and dare to imagine more for ourselves, we cannot unfeel, unknow, or unimagine. There is no going back.”
Even as a ten-year-old I knew that within me there was greatness. And while I still have much of it to tap, it is my duty to push myself, to listen, to plan and strategize, so that I am ready for each opportunity to put it into practice, to take that next step toward “untaming” the best parts of me.
Do Glennon's words resonate with you like they do with me? Can you identify ways in which the world has sought to "tame" you? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
With gratitude,
Josh
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About: Josh Miller is a queer changemaker, public speaker, photographer, and outdoor explorer. He is the owner of Josh Miller Ventures and the co-founder + CEO of IDEAS xLab—an organization that uses the art of storytelling and community collaboration to impact public health. Miller’s work has been featured by The New York Times, the Aspen Institute, and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. He is a Soros Equality Fellow, received the 2022 Nonprofit Visionary Leader Award from Louisville Business First, and was selected for Business Equality Magazine’s Forty LGBTQ+ Leaders under 40 and Louisville Business First's Forty under 40. Miller is a two-time TEDx speaker and has been described as a "force in our community.” He holds an MBA from Indiana University and an undergraduate degree from Bellarmine University. Previously, he served as an advisor to the Derby Diversity & Business Summit and co-chair for the Louisville Health advisory board’s communications committee.